Coaches Who Stare at Goats

Now that RZ has put down his crayons and sketch pad as he apparently did last Saturday at Minnesota; I have another bit of advice for our fearless leader, lose the headset. I don’t know who is on the other end it or if anyone is listening to what you are saying, but we would all feel a lot better if you limited in game communication to heads, tails or atta boy son.

To paraphrase Winston Churchill, “never in the course of human conflict have so many been so happy after triumphing over two hapless enemies.” This is the World War II equivalent of thrashing Austria and Bulgaria; my apologies to all my Bulgarian and Austrian friends. Austria may have once been a great power that some view in empire parlance as the “Champions of the West”, but now is led by a thuggish leader with little imagination or ability. The Bulgars must have been something special before electricity was invented, but its football equivalent Gophers put the ocrity in mediocrity as they muddle their way into football obscurity. Jim Souhan of the Minneapolis Star Tribune said it best after Saturdays game: “Can we taser anyone who suggests that a 6 and 6 record this season, given the mediocrity of the Big 10 is an accomplishment or a sign of progress. Why would long-time Gopher football fans expect anything different than a bad loss to a bad team that leaves the Gophers headed toward a losing record in a bad league and a meaningless Bowl.” Sign me up, that sounds like a winner after what Illini Nation has been through.

Yes there were signs of life the last two weeks that leave of us yearning for more and asking why this staff has been virtually asleep at the wheel for seven games while sitting on a treasure trove of talent without a map or the slightest clue.

Having punts blocked in consecutive fourth quarters on successive Saturdays is acceptable on the Pop Warner level but unconscionable at a major university. Penalties, Special Teams and an all too frequent lack of discipline has and will continue to cost us yards and games as we navigate without a rudder. We are constantly looking like a mistake waiting to happen and yet I cannot do anything but cheer and hope that the kids will overcome what they cannot control.

Had the AD figured out that it was cheaper to buy two home wins at $300,000 per game than exercise a buy-out in the millions, he may have lessened the early season pressure on a Coach who is widely considered to be the tightest sphincter in college football. I may not believe that it’s in the best interests of the Program for RZ to remain on the job, but I will not, no I cannot ever root against the Illini. So use your Zooker powers and give Fitzgerald and the Wildcats your best George Clooney stare and make them fall down by sheer force of will and mind boggling powers. Who needs a note pad or headset to win a football game, just will it and all will be forgiven; not really.