In the Land of the Blind, the One Eyed Man is King

Our current AD must have a very low opinion of the subjects in his kingdom for he assumes that we are resigned to his regressive vision for the future of Illini football. Perhaps he’s right; there is an outcry at places like Michigan and Notre Dame where stupefying ineptitude is met with derision and revulsion. Low expectations aside, this sordid ordeal surrounding our current Head Coach and his apologist AD reminds me of George Orwell’s Animal Farm where all pigs are equal except some are more equal than others. The voice of “the nation” has either fallen on the deaf ears of its’ leader or not deemed relevant or meaningful to the conversation because we lack the right or requisite knowledge to add or detract from the conversation. Are we conditioned to merely follow those who lead us regardless of the direction or wisdom of the path or message? If this be true, why not the “ Lemming” as our new symbol or mascot. Hi Ho Hi Ho it’s off the cliff we go.

Should anyone harbor doubts that we are led by an incompetent HC who has perfected the art of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and rendered it into an art form. Does the Northwestern roster have a single wide receiver who would have been recruited by our staff and yet it appeared that all were the second coming of Wes Welker as they merrily ran free amongst our four stars. It’s hard to argue the fact that Northwestern is better coached and less talented at virtually every position on the field. RZ correctly identified this game as our most important rivalry and privately told those in his inner circle that he was nervous about facing Northwestern and more confident relative to Cincy. Losing four of five matchups with your chief rival gets you fired at most places unless you live in the land of the blind, where only the one-eyed king can see the truth. Clearly, it made sense to bench Charest and LeShoure for McGee and Dufrene in the third quarter. Surely one could see that our coaches completely outfoxed their counterparts with their wile halftime adjustments that lulled even the most astute of our enemies into a state of complacency that all but assured us of a last second victory that was unjustly robbed from us by a worldwide “zebra conspiracy”. Anyone could see the genius of our leadership and recognize the guile and cunning of our strategy.

Statistics, lies and damned lies tell a different story as we are 11^th in points per game, 10^th in total yards, 10^th in penalty yards, 11^th in TD’s, 11^th in INT’s, 10^th in sacks, 11^th in punt returns and 10^th in kick returns. Or maybe, just maybe, this is another brilliant maneuver meant to confuse our enemies and befuddle our otherwise clueless fan base. How clever can one be that our HC has again, with the help and support of his majesty the AD, managed to artfully outwit the entire college football world and disguise our superiority by feigning utter and unmitigated incompetence. Long live the King, may his Jester continue to serve as we applaud his skill and struggle to understand the source and complexity of his unique and superior ways.

PS: If we lose badly to Cincy and Fresno State, will anybody notice? Basketball season is upon us and things are looking up, our glass is half full and yet we are still thirsty.